Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
