i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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