I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
