At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
