I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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