He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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