If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
