you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
