just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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