I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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