honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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