he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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