Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
