I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
