First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
