My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
