Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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