he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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