i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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