Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
