he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
