got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
