I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
