i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
