i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
