I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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