Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
