I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
