Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
