so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
