Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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