She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
