Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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