what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
