Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
