a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
