I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
