Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
