I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
