i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
