So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
