I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
