so that wasnt chicken after all
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
