singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
