Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
