whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
