You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
