If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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