What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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