Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
