Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
