it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
